Balancing, Pacing and the Joy of Missing Out
On revving up for the book launch while simultaneously prepping for a new baby and preserving my energy in the process.
This time of the year was supposed to look and feel a lot different for me. In January, I remember fancying myself a lengthy journal writing session while my then infant lay peacefully asleep. I scored on the Tomoe River Paper of my Hobonichi grid notebook, aware that I’d need more writing space compared to my daily memory keeper by NTU Press.
Attend the Manila International Book Festival, I wrote. Confident that I’d finally experience it this time. My eldest would be more than a year old by then, she could even come with me.
I jotted down next …publish my book in the Fall of 2024. I was well past the terrible middle of my manuscript and could see myself submitting by Q1 or Q2 for edits. I had messages with my publisher back and forth and conversations that spilled over what month in Q4 we could launch my book. It was all planned and I, in turn, was thrilled.
But then, I missed a period, and found myself pregnant the second time around. I hadn’t even reached my goal of breastfeeding my first born for a year when my OB-Gyn told me I had to stop breastfeeding for the good of the next baby.
“Stop,” the word echoed in my head. I wondered what else I had to stop as I slowly started to wean myself from providing life-saving breastmilk for my child.
I had to revisit my plans last January, and realized quickly they all had to be re-prioritized. I cried buckets of tears out of frustration with my husband holding me and getting the brunt of my sobbing. I was angry, and I was disappointed.
I was incensed at the fact that that I had gotten myself pregnant at a time that was supposed to be about book launches, bonding with my eldest, and slowly learning through motherhood. The idea of a family of four wasn’t even in the periphery of my mind as I was still getting used to being a family of three.
After a week or so of wallowing in self-doubt, thinking whether this pregnancy would push through, and deciding what I had to adjust in my life to make way for my second child if in case it did. My husband and I then decided that we could still push through with the book launch, I could still manage with a little help. I wasn’t a newbie to being pregnant anymore, and the symptoms were mild.
So I pushed on and refocused my energy in making sure I met the Fall 2024 release. I paced myself every chance I got in between caring for my infant and watching my symptoms, never pushing myself past exhaustion, but being proactive enough to feel like I’ve accomplished something no matter how small.
Soon all the little consistent movements added up to being habits by which I measured myself. Did I write today? Did I read today? Did I review the book outline? Have I researched for the book cover? When should I start marketing the book? I need to run this through my publisher—but when?
Before I knew it I keyed in, “The End” on my keyboard for my manuscript. I received the final (and gorgeous) illustrated copy of my book cover. I had registered as an author/writer for my government’s official records. I received notification from my publisher that editing is currently being done, and that my book now has an ISBN.
I did this all in the background while I missed events that would’ve made a younger, child-free version of myself feel like I was missing out. But something freeing happens when you do something you’re passionate about; you feel the joy of not being in the busyness of life because you’re so focused on something that’s more meaningful—yourself and your dreams. I also came across awkward situations when I felt like the people who I thought would support me, actually proved not to. It’s given me time to ponder about choosing who to give your energy to, and learning to just meet people where they are.
Today was the last day of Manila International Book Fair 2024, which I had initially planned to attend but decided not to because of my pregnancy. I’ve been busy nesting, and planning my social media posts for September and October (which isn’t easy by a long shot, by the way).
Though through these moments of constant hustle and bustle akin to motherhood and being an author, I’ve learned the art of balancing my expectations, and pacing myself.
Life is about the journey. I tell myself. Be present.
A few weeks ago this belief would be tested. I was met with the news that my book would be delayed to Q1 2025 instead of Q4 2024. What went wrong? I did everything I could, I planned and worked hard and met my deadlines. I even hired people to help me out for a book launch in November.
The answer is, life happened.
My editor needed more time, and I found myself immediately thinking that this is life’s way of pacing me. So, I decided not to push back and just accept the odds that were in front of me.
I find myself today in the most peaceful state I’ve been. Despite all the things happening simultaneously, I am centered, filled with hope and confidence that whatever comes my way I can balance, and I can pace through gently, slowly and with purpose.
My book is now set to be released in January 2025, and I’m excited more than ever to meet the New Year with new energy for my book, in the meantime, pre-orders will open in November. If you’ve read this far, thank you for your time and interest in my journey as a budding author and new mom.
Stuff I’ve been consuming lately
Prepping myself for the hospital stay by packing my hospital bags
Very much invested in the show No Gain, No Love on Prime
Finished binge watching the Perfect Couple on Netflix — it was such a good one!
Nesting and buying autumnal cozy stuff from local thrift stores, Flying Tiger Coppenhagen, George Home UK and Truly Magical Books UK
Focusing my efforts on scheduling social media posts from now till’ October